


Sweet Like Candy

by akgerhardt



Series: In Which Dirk Discovers He Likes Vore [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Body Worship, F/M, Fluff and NSFW, Greetings from the Sin Bin, Macro/Micro, Mouthplay, Mutual Masturbation, Oral, Pegging, Shrinking, Soft/Safe/Nonfatal/Willing Vore, Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2019-08-01 05:42:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16278824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akgerhardt/pseuds/akgerhardt
Summary: Sometimes, friendship involves the taboo.





	1. Chapter 1

Jake is completely unbothered by the idea, even egging her on when she first starts teasing Dirk.

Dirk, of course, is a completely different story. Would it technically be cheating? Granted, Jake doesn’t mind, but there aren’t exactly norms to follow in these circumstances, since the whole damn thing is abnormal. At first, Dirk won’t even consider it. This is... new to him and Jake, and it feels inherently sexual and romantic, an intimate act between two people.

As time passes, the thought continues to nag him. She’s so gung-ho about it, for reasons he can’t comprehend; then again, he can’t understand its appeal to Jake, either. They share other similarities in Dirk’s mind, and always have- specifically, that energetic, pure-hearted, genuine nature that he wants to protect above all else. He loves them both (along with Jane, and the rest of their friends), but in slightly different ways, as Roxy is dear to him platonically, and Jake is... well, Jake.

Regardless, Dirk wants to keep them safe from everything, express his affection despite his issues, and hold them as close to his heart as possible, if only for a short period of time. Eventually, he realizes that this translates to wanting to fucking vore them- the ultimate gesture. Why is he like this? He’s asked himself that question many times over his twenty-two years. 

The next time they come back from a miniscule misadventure to hang out at his dorm, she makes another joke about getting into that situation, and he simply deadpans, “Sure.” There’s an awkward silence, as she’s never gotten anything close to a positive response before. His expression remains neutral and unchanged as he attempts to mask his nervousness.

“... Wait, like, for reals?”

      “Yeah, fuck it. Why not?”

“Omg, this ain’t happenin’. Jake, pinch me.”

He pats her awkwardly on the shoulder.

               “Sorry, I’d rather not hurt you.”

“Holy SHIT. I’m gonna get fucking vored by the hunk of my dreams! I mean, no hetero. But holy shit, omg! I’m finally gonna have the full Dirk Experience. Ha, this is surreal...”

By this point, Dirk’s mask has crumbled, and he’s trying incredibly hard to keep it together despite his flusteredness. Jake laughs, flying up to smooch him. He may have been informed by Dirk of his desire prior to leaving that morning just to quintuple-check that he was ok with it, and he may have commended him for his courage.

               “Congrats, Roxy. You’re already in his heart; might as well be in his stomach, too, heheh. I’ll head to Jade’s to give you two some privacy! Hope you, ah, have fun. Don’t hold back for my sake, understood?”

She nods, grinning.

“Thanks, Jakey. We should have a party down there sometime~”

Dirk groans, embarrassed. 

      “Don’t push it.”

“I know, I know; one step at a time. I’m the luckiest gal in the multiverse!”

She fake-swoons, draping herself across his nose. He can’t help but smile at her antics.


	2. Chapter 2

Dirk is thoroughly prepared for this moment, at least physically. He had completely cleaned himself out beforehand, then mixed together a concoction specifically for her. Over the past several months that he’s been doing this, he’s worked to fine-tune the process, and even educated himself on chemistry and biology. Part of him thinks it’s better that he dragged his feet, because now he can give her an almost ideal experience, one that won’t even require her survival suit. He shakes the bottle that he had previously set aside, getting ready to drink it. She’s just sitting on his shoulder, swinging her feet excitedly.

“What’s in there?”

      “A lot. You probably know all of that chemical shit since you’re god tier in science, but I’ll put the main ingredients in layman’s, uh, laywoman’s terms. Maximum-strength antacid, oxygen-producing bubbles, edible disinfectant and aromatics, a low dose of ecstasy, and fuschia luminescents- I mean, obviously, since it looks like a fucking glowstick now. The whole thing will last for about twelve hours, which is probably longer than you’ll need it to.”

“Hot damn... You’re the best, you know that?”

He stiffens slightly, and she scoots closer to hug the side of his neck and plant a kiss on it. 

“S’the undeniable truth. You have such a _big_ heart, and you’re the only gay- I mean guy- I’d ever wanna be in... You can’t see, but I’m winkin’. 

      ...

Seriously, though; thanks from the bottom of my boob. I love you so, so much, Dirk...”

His voice cracks, and he coughs to try to cover it.

      “I- love you too.”

He lifts the bottle to his lips, gripping tightly to counter his shaking. He drinks it slowly, grateful that it’s even possible for him to do this without discomfort. The first time was... rough, to say the least, but he’s since formulated solutions without unpleasant side-effects. 

She watches as he swallows intermittently, Adam’s apple bobbing while the liquid pours down his throat, bright enough to be visible under his tan skin.

He takes a break about a third of the way in, and she pipes up.

“So, I don’t wanna make it weird for you, but... how’dja feel ‘bout taking off your shirt?”

He nods silently, and she gets off for him to do so.

“Hells yeah, I hit the jackpot.”

      “Roxy.”

“Just sayin’, you got a fuckin’ beach bod.”

He sighs embarrassedly, resuming the task at hand. She hovers in front of him, zipping around to study the process up close. The pink liquid pools in his stomach, glowing brighter as he progresses. He finishes the rest within several minutes, and she follows the last gulps down, then presses herself against his stomach to hear them flow in, bubbling like a waterfall. He catches his breath as it sloshes under her, bracing for more awkwardness. Instead, she’s quiet, seemingly awestruck. She starts stroking his skin appreciatively, and the faint sensation thrills him.

“... You’re so beautiful.

      ...

Inside _and_ out.”

      “I was waiting for that,” he chuckles.

He pets her ever so gently with his fingertip, and she makes a content noise. He can feel the vorelixer beginning to take effect, salivating over its long-lasting, fruity, bubblegum-like aftertaste.

...

      “You know how you- or, I mean, how Jake and I... uh. Fuck, sorry.”

She giggles, looking up.

“Cat got yer tongue?”

      “I- Well, it will soon.”

She gasps.

“Finally, a joke! I’m so prouda you, Dirky.”

To emphasize her sentiment, she places another kiss on his tummy, then wraps her limbs around it, pushing in deeper. It rumbles in response, to her delight, and she uses her whole body to stimulate it more, nuzzling and prodding. He moans quietly, resisting the urge to press his fingers to her back and rub her in circles against him. He realizes that the ecstasy is kicking in, calming his nerves like a bunch of horny butterflies. He can work with this, he thinks.

      “... What I was trying to say is that I wouldn’t be opposed to, uh, foreplay. Voreplay.”

“Omg. Are... you sayin’ what I think you are?”

      “Probably. Care to restate?”

“Great, now _I’m_ gettin’ all flustered and shit... You, ah, you don’t mind me bein’ nakey? It won’t scar you?”

      “I’m swallowing my pride here. Do you want this tongue on your feline?”

“Heck fucking yes! Thank you, Dirk, thanks so effin’ much... I want you to enjoy this, too, mkay?”

      “... How so?”

“Hmm... Well, you’re lookin’ pretty excited below the waist rn.”

      “Ladies first.”

“Nah, fuck that. How’d you like to get dicked down? I wanna work up your appetite.”

      “What are you talking about?”

She focuses for a moment, poofing a normal-sized dildo into existence. Naturally, it’s hot pink and also glowing, appearing to be self-lubricated. She suspends it in midair in front of his face, then gently boops his cheek with the tip, smearing a bit of the clear, glowy stuff on it.

      “Holy fuck.”

“It can wiggle _and_ vibrate. It can also jizz, but dunno if that’s your thing.”

      “Jesus Christ, Roxy.”

“Hehe, whatcha think?”

      “... You’re going to have to fuck me in the ass to prove this is real.”

So, she does.


	3. Chapter 3

He lays back on the bed, adrenaline still coursing through him. Holy shit, they are making this happen. 

“We should prolly establish the Terms of Service before agreeing to this bitch. I, Roxy Lalonde, promise that none of our canoodling will have a negative impact on my friendship, and that I will never consider or want you to be anything but a friend.”

      “Yes, enforce the boundaries of the friendzone: fifteen feet of concrete, topped with electrified barbed wire. For our own good, we must never be allowed to escape into the shitfest that lies beyond- no offense.”

“None taken,” she laughs.

      “But, yeah, I’m glad that we communicate these days, and... that there’s no hard feelings. I don’t want to, you know, fuck with your heart or anything.”

“Couple years ago, we woulda never even had the balls to share thoughts and feelins’. Woulda doomed a whole damn universe before we sat down and talked like mature adults... but then again, we were dumb kids with a buttload of baggage. I think we’re doin’ better now.”

He smiles, folding his arms behind his head.

...

      “Oh, right. Uh, I promise-”

“You gotta state your name to make it official.”

      “... I, Dirk Motherfucking Strider, hereby declare that I am not attracted to women, and, even if I was, I would make no efforts to mar my bromantic relationship or my platonic ones. The actions following said declaration are nothing more than a bonding experience between kinky friends, and that’s all that really needs to be said about the matter.”

She snickers.

“Amen. Let’s McFreakin’ do this!”

He’s mildly distracted by the obnoxiously pink phallic device twirling two feet above him.

      “You do realize that you’re flicking droplets everywhere. What if it leaves stains?”

“Whoops,” she grins, aiming a splotch of gel at his navel as he takes off his belt.

“Bullseye, high score!”

He strips down the rest of the way rather quickly to get her to stop.

“... Nice~”

He shuts his eyes, parting his legs.

      “Just put the horse in the stable and call it a night.”

“Damn, ok, ya killed my ladyboner... Choo-choo, motherfucker, here comes the train!”

It hovers, then nudges at his entrance, starting to gradually slide in. His muscles tense, and she waits for them to relax before continuing.

      “It... feels weird. Good weird, but- it’s like... jello.”

“You’re takin’ it like a champ. Almost full!”

She twists it slightly, and he keens. 

Once it’s buried to the hilt, she stops, landing atop the glowy, now-vibrating and wiggling bulge in his lower abdomen and patting it proudly. 

“How ya doin’?”

He just nods, eyes still shut and breathing heavily. 

“... Wanna see?” 

Begrudgingly, he looks down. His eyes widen at the sight.

      “Holy shit, it- did not look that big.”

“S’like one of those dino sponge capsules.”

      “Fuck, I- AaAhhnnn.”

She begins to carefully move it in and out underneath her, reaching over to glop some of the gel on his dick and stroke it. He moans blissfully, bunching fistfuls of sheet and curling his toes as she continues her ministrations.   

“D’ya think this is enough? ‘Cause I think you could use a _hand_.”

      “Wh- Oh, fuck, Roxy-”

A hand-shaped apparatus appears, looking to be made of the same material. She gets out of the line of fire and maneuvers the joints to give him a literal handjob, and he’s so overwhelmed with pleasure that he can barely think. It wraps around his member, wetting it and pumping rhythmically as the dildo continues to brush against his prostate. He’s thoroughly unraveled, no longer trying to form words. 

He peaks several minutes later, and she works every last spasm out of him before relinquishing her grip. She flops onto his chest while he slowly regains composure, heartbeat jostling her.

      “... I don’t want to know how you learned to do that.”

“You can keep ‘em! Though, the hand’s just a floppy limb if you can’t control it, which ain’t exactly hot imo.”

     “Could probably find a way to configure them... but holy shit.”

He towels away most of the mess with his discarded shirt, still catching his breath. 

      “Not gonna lie, I feel overly-exposed and slightly vulnerable right now... Like I just put on a show for voyeurs.”

“Oh, Dirky, you did great... What d’ya want?”

He considers his options for a moment. Sleep, Round Two, Shower, Snack...

      “I want you in my mouth.”

“Are ya sure you’re up for it?”

      “Yes. Yes, I am. And leave that thing in for the time being.”

She giggles embarrassedly, wiggling out of her clothes and tossing them off the side of his torso.

      “You look like a snacc~”

“Le swoon.”

He extends his palm, and she climbs onto it, looking up at his enormous face mere inches above her. She meets his gaze, and they stay like that for a moment, exchanging countless sentiments in silence.

      “You’re, uh, beautiful, too.”

“I know.”

He snorts, engulfing her in a gust of warm air. Comfortable heat radiates from his soft, pulsing palm, and she closes her eyes, just enjoying it.

      “... Do you still-”

“Oh! ‘Course, heheh. Sorry, I got distracted by your majesty.”

Leaning in, he presses his lips ever so gently against her body, hot breath washing over her. She shivers in delight, and he pulls back just enough to run his tongue over her entire self in one slow movement, giving her a moment to acclimate. Then, he puts all of the pressure into the tip, rubbing and licking. Everything is methodical, calculated, executed with intent. He focuses his attention on her breasts, then her pussy. He works it open carefully, swirling his bumpy, textured tastebuds around the spot in circles. She cries, wrapping her legs around his tongue and arching her hips into it, falling into a rhythm. He’s salivating just a bit too much, still, providing a delicious combination of slickness and friction. It drives them both mad until she climaxes, legs tightening around the muscle. It’s not a viceful grip, as she’s barely taller than a paperclip and his wetness isn’t exactly ideal for getting a hold, but it suffices.

He just sorta bathes her with his tongue tenderly as she recovers, and, when she opens her eyes, she stares up at him with a tired but giddy smile. He gives one more lick, brushing her hair out of her face.

“Good kitty~”

      “Aw, get that furry shit out of here.”

“Takes one to know one!”

      “... I rescind my previous statement. There will be no yiffing.”

“Wait, wait, open up a lil more.”

He complies, giving her a clear view. She leans over, looking in.

“Holy shit, it’s so pretty... S’coated in specks of that sparkly pink juice.”

      “eally?”

She giggles as yet another gust of wind washes over her.

“Dang, and you weren’t kiddin’ about the aromatics. Smells like a goddamn spa...”

      “anna ‘omin ow?”

She pecks his lip, then climbs over it, wiggling her way in until she’s sitting in the divit of his cheek, past his molars. He slowly closes his mouth, going still. It’s the coziest place she ever could have imagined, and she feels so snug and safe despite the pearly whites in front of her. She has a clear view of the space from between them, and the pink spots are like glittery, glow-in-the-dark stars, scattered everywhere. They cluster in larger groups towards the back of his throat, illuminating the way down. Like a buncha rose petals, she thinks, laughing to herself at the absurdity of the situation. He’s a real prince, alright. 

He’s a little embarrassed over his excessive drool, trying not to soak her. It takes every ounce of willpower not to move, not to roll her around in his mouth and suck on her like a piece of candy. His stomach is bubbling eagerly, and growls just at the thought of having her in it, getting increasingly louder to his dismay. 

The peaceful ambience of his mouth is gradually drowned out by his desire, and, by the fourth time he tries to subtly swallow his anticipation, she relents, getting onto his tongue. She lets him play around, and, when he finally starts to tilt his head, she stands wobbily, steadying herself with her hands on the roof of his mouth to keep her balance atop the live, slippery ground. He pauses in confusion at her movements, and she runs down, jumping into his throat like one might a pool. He gulps reflexively, followed by several more, then takes a long swig of his water bottle. He follows her descent with a finger until she’s past his collarbone, then coughs.

      “Give a guy a heads-up next time, ok? Jesus Christ.”

She strokes the muscles against her currently pinned hands in a coy but apologetic manner. They tighten in response, and he attempts to clear his throat again.

      “Fuck, it tickles... Cut that shit out, or I will turn this ride around. I’m updating our Terms of Service as I speak.” 

She goes down quietly the rest of the way, sliding in with a pop. It rumbles and sloshes the sweet-smelling, sparkly liquid around her as he sighs in relief and contentment, pressing his hand against her small weight in the pit of his stomach. 

      “God, you feel amazing in there... I’ve wanted this for so fucking long; I just didn’t have the balls to-”

She rubs her limbs into the soft tissue, and he stifles another moan. With a bit more coaxing, she gets it out of him, then goes spelunking in search of other trouble spots to alleviate. She can sense him melting into a puddle of relaxation as she progresses, from his evening breath and heartbeat to the way his muscles are slowly unclenching. He still has a habit of swallowing his emotions after all this time, and it’s physically obvious here. 

He’s practically purring now, and, within minutes, she’s worked away every tense knot, even the ones that could only be reached by using her toes or flying. 

      “... You’re so good to me, Roxy.”

She sinks blissfully into the warm, bubbly pool, filaments caressing her as his muscles move and pulse rhythmically. The liquid is bright enough to illuminate the whole cavern with a soft, rose-tinted glow, gathered in the bottom with traces of it in every other area. She hears a series of swallows from above, and listens as his drink spills down in rapids, rushing in like a waterfall. God, she could fall asleep right here and now... 

She thinks up an acid-soluble raft, then focuses it into being and hops in, letting it dip enough for all but her head and shoulders to be covered in his heat. She pats his side one last time, and, several seconds later, a powerful light shines from the outside. She grins, squinting towards it and flipping the bird.

      “Just curious. Is it everything you wanted? Feel free to leave a Yelp review later.”

“S’the best, an’ so’re you. Thank you.”

      “Thank _you_.”

“... Do you still have the-”

      “Yep.”

“Holy shit, hah. Ok, sit tight- but not too tight.”

      “This is fucking wild...”

She turns it on the lowest settings, and he tenses, making an erotic noise, followed by many more. He’s not particularly vocal when he’s being fucked; it’s just a lot louder when it’s all that can be heard. She begins to pleasure herself as the vibrations of the toy and his voice encompass her, knowing that he’s watching and doing the same. She puts on a seductive smile and winks, kicking against the wall after he pokes her. It sends her floating to the other side, and she laughs, continuing. 

They peak within seconds of one another. Once they recompose, she turns it off for him to remove, and he does so with some difficulty. They exchange more ‘I love you’s’ and goodnights, and he puts the devices away. She snuggles down into her makeshift bed as he gets ready to shower, falling asleep to the rain-like sounds. She realizes that he’s probably going to be in there for a while, then do laundry, remake his bed, and fuck knows what else. It’s Dirk, after all. She'll just void herself out later, get dressed, and meet up with Jake to go back to normal. Bless that adorable dork for enabling them...

* * *

              "... I can’t for the life of me understand the appeal of things in orifices or synthetic dismembered limbs, but I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, heheh."

      "Honestly, I'm just glad the dildo didn’t wreck my ass... It was like a goddamn alien baby."

            "It is rather... squishy. I imagine you’ll be glowing for quite a while, considering it’s a source of infinite void ejaculate."

He pokes it with his toe bemusedly as Dirk stands on the bed to clean pink splotches off the ceiling. Thankfully, it's been washed, and she showed him how to shut off the lubrication mode when she was educating him for future use.

      "... Hey, thanks again."

            "Anytime, love... But seriously, you look like a pink firefly."

      "Duly noted."

He hands him the newly-rinsed rag, and he goes back to cleaning, shirt riding up as he reaches farther. He can’t resist giving his cute tummy a pat, and he squeaks, nearly losing his balance.

      "Fuck you, man."

             "So soon? I must say, I’m impressed. You’ve got quite the appetite!" he snickers.

      "If you want this stussy, stop dragging me. Let me enjoy my bad decisions in peace."

He just smooches the exposed skin, and Dirk stifles a noise as he proceeds to nuzzle it. He finishes hurriedly through the playful rubs that follow and tosses the rag back into the bucket, pulling Jake on top of him in said bed. 

             "O- Oh! ... You put that viagra-y stuff in your drink again, didn’t you?"

      "... Didn’t want to get cold feet, or cold dick. Now, please get inside of me."

             "With pleasure~"


	4. Chapter 4

(First ever [fanart](https://twitter.com/chiriilart/status/1118014779384164353?s=20) for one of my fics- this is not a drill! Warning for dick x2 combo, but you've already gotten this far lol.)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, you! If you like what I write and have dough to spare, why not treat yourself to a custom fic for the charity of your choice?
> 
> Tax-deductible commission info: tinyurl.com/akgerhardt
> 
> (Thank you regardless for reading, and feel free to share the tumblr post!)


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